Daily Life
It's hard to try to explain the daily schedule at Hephzibah House. Daily life was about so much more than just school and chores. Each day was like a journey; you never knew which way the wind was going to blow. It might be your lucky day, and the staff ladies would all be in good spirits, chores would be done successfully, and we would get a decent meal. But on the other hand, the staff could be in a bad mood, none of your chores would pass inspection, and it would be the same dinner yet again (not that you would even get to eat it if your chores didn't pass).
The facility can house up to about 25 girls at a time, and the typical stay is about 15 months. During a girl's stay at Hephzibah, she basically has no contact at all with her family. The only contact she does have is being able to send out one letter per week to her parents and her pastor. As far as incoming mail, it may be sent by a pastor and approved family members only. Of course, all outgoing and incoming mail is closely scrutinized for content. Any mail that would talk about a girl going home, or any other topic that is considered off limits, would not pass the inspection; therefore, it would not be sent out or passed on to the girl. There are no telephones inside of the home where the girls are housed, so there are obviously no incoming phone calls to girls at any time. There is a once a month outgoing call in which each girl gets 10 minutes of phone time with their parents. This is a collect call, and 2 phones are brought into the home specifically for these calls. On one phone is the girl who is going to talk to her parents, and on the other line (and sitting only 1 foot away) is a staff lady on the other phone in order to monitor the conversation. There are strict instructions as to what can be spoken of, and what is forbidden, and any infraction will result in the call being terminated immediately. The most anticipated family contact is the actual visit. There are only 3-4 scheduled visits during an entire 15 month stay at Hephzibah House! During these visits, a staff member will be present at all times, and under no circumstances will the girl be allowed to leave the grounds. Again, there is a clearly outlined set of rules as to what may or not take place regarding conversation.
I have been thinking recently about the "talking lists" that we had at Hephzibah. Can someone please explain to me the value of ostracizing a particular girl and not allowing her to speak to anyone for weeks on end? Just who or what determined which girls were "good" enough to be able to speak to other girls, and what made a girl unworthy of even a simple conversation with a classmate? And seriously, I see now why the staff "forbid" us girls from exchanging personal information such as addresses, etc. If we had been free to do that, all of us would be talking today, and it wouldn't be so hard to find one another. Maybe then more of us would have been able to recall and deal with (and heal from) all the things we had to go through. I'm sure many of us have children of our own now; would you honestly subject your daughters to what we had to endure at Hephzibah House? And forget the talking list, what about girls who were "shadowed"? It was bad enough having to get permission to use the restroom during the night, but imagine those poor girls that had to be glued to a staff member's side at all times. It was a challenge just getting ready for school in the morning, because God forbid you accidently made eye contact with another girl in the mirror!!! These rules would almost be humorous if there hadn't been such dire consequences for not obeying.
I remember girls being forced to go without meals. Girls having to stand up in front of everyone and tell us how horrible they had been...what grave sin that they had committed. Girls not getting any visits from their families, and others who never received or got their letters sent out because someone decided they didn't pass. I remember day upon day, week upon week, with not even one word of encouragement. Not even one word of praise. I remember constant criticism and an attempt to keep fear in the heart of each girl. Constant threats of what kind of punishment would be doled out if we didn't obey. Demerits, sentences, loss of privileges, withholding of meals, shadowing, humiliation, brutal spankings. This was all part of our daily lives.
